deployment: week one *sigh*

                It has officially been a week since Shane left for pre-deployment training.  And oh what a week!  Let me start by saying that I promised myself I would NEVER marry a military man…ever.  I grew up as a military brat and the deployments were hard and the bouncing around (while limited compared to other families) was rough as well.  So, I didn’t marry a military man.  I married a man who was unsure about what he wanted to do.  And even though I wasn’t the most supportive wife when he decided on the air force for a career, I know he did it to take care of his family and I couldn’t be more proud of him. 

      So, up until this point, we have been safe from deployments.  No worry, no stress, no fear.  Six months ago, it seemed like the deployment was so far away, but that six months FLEW by so fast.  And the last week before Shane left was awful.  I cried off and on for most of the week and Shane had to build me back up after a few melt downs.  The only way I could describe it to him was that my heart literally hurt.  The impending doom of the deployment had really settled on my shoulders and I was heartbroken.  All I could think about were the things that Shane does for Veda that I am not so good at.  He knows how to play with her on an entire different level, while I have a hard time stepping out of mommy mode and just having a silly time with her.  He reassured me constantly and he made our last week very special, which made it that much harder to say goodbye.

      The airport was probably the worst part.  Veda and I were able to go through security with him, so we got more time than we expected.  But, in the end the goodbye was so hard.  I had to pry a screaming toddler off of Shane and drag her away.  I would give anything to never have to do that.  There is nothing you can say to make her understand that even though we will miss him, he will be back.  And when mommy is trying her best not to sob in the airport, I am obviously not very much comfort to her.  So, walking back out towards the parking deck, I continued to cry and Veda just said “mama, you sad?”  and I said “yes” to which she replied “you miss siwwy?”   What a precious girl she is. 

      After the rough goodbye, we were greeted on the other side of security by our rock for the day…Brittnee, with a caramel macchiato in hand.  Just enough to put a smile on my face.  But, then everything went downhill.  The van started to…for lack of a better word…sputter on the way home.  The check engine light came on and Brit and I made phone calls trying to figure out if we would actually make it home.  We really didn’t need a break down at this point.  Fortunately, we didn’t break down, but the check engine light is still on and I will be putting it in the shop soon. 

      Skip ahead a couple days, and all three of my babies and I are so sick!  We started off with what seemed like a cold (conveniently the day Shane left) and it eventually snow balled.  Three infected ears and one sinus infection later, I am pretty much crying throughout my day.  I wouldn’t dare say “it can’t get any worse.”  Lets be serious…I have the worst luck…I know it can get much worse.  So, the deployment has started off to be nothing short of circus.  But, I am keeping things as positive as I possibly can.  I can just hear James telling me “Christa, stop thinking about everything that can go wrong!  You have to be positive, just be positive.”  So, in the spirit of positive thinking and the hope that this deployment will soon get easier, I will leave you with a list of people/things  I’m thankful for this week. 

Ruth- for keeping the babies for me during the journey to say goodbye, and for staying with me that night and being on duty with the babies so I could try to sleep off my illness.  Oh, and may I mention that she also did all my laundry and dishes?  Yes, double thanks.

Brittnee- for waking up before the sunshine to ride with me to the airport and be a wonderful support system during a very difficult time.  And for sitting in the very back of the van with Veda and rubbing her sick, congested little head whenever she got a little cranky.  And for taking the long drive from mar mac to my house when she knows I’ve had a rough day.  And for giving me another jumper and some bigger pajamas for my babies…happy happy girls they are!  Also, big thank you for checking in on me and looking out for me, and understanding that I am one of those crazy people that literally worries about EVERYTHING.  Don’t let me forget Brittnee’s other half for letting me harass his wife, and for helping me clean out my back yard and trouble shoot my van. 

Justina- how lovely you are!  Thank you for stopping by almost every day after you’ve had a long work day, just to bring Veda a new princess movie to watch, and bring me small things to help make the babies a little happier.  More than anything, thank you for the company and giving me somebody to talk to after a long day of baby/toddler conversation.  You should know that you really stole my heart when you came over and fed my babies dinner while I finally got a shower and then tried to do my dishes on top of that!  If we ever trade teams, you are officially my soul mate. 

Mama- for meeting me in town after another emotional breakdown, and then helping me cook dinner.  And for changing diapers, burping babies and amazingly getting baby august asleep when she was obviously in so much pain.  Also, for treating me like a 10 year old and accompanying me to the doctor when I really wanted some company.  And of course, for a good cup of coffee at the end of the day. 

Daddy- for mowing my grass and making sure that my lawn will be taken care of for the remainder of the deployment.  It means a lot to have you give up so much time on a Saturday just to keep me from being “that yard” in the neighborhood.  And for being mean and making fun of me and telling me how horrible my cooking is.  I guess some things just have to stay the same, whether Shane is here or not.  And for always letting me come over for dinner, even when we ruin  a romantic, kid-free night at home.

Daniel- for keeping me company almost daily!  I appreciate you being my fill in husband, even if you do draw the line at poopy diapers.  Thanks for driving all the way over, just to bring me some Tylenol for the babes, and for picking me up the right bottle liners!  Mostly, just thank you for giving me someone to talk to. 

Steph- for stopping in and bringing baby Telli!  The company is always wonderful and you guys always make me laugh even when I’m being a party pooper.  Thanks for accompanying me to the doctor’s office with 3 sick girls when I really really needed you.  And of course, for being my lifetime maid of honor.  And John, for letting me rub his Buddha belly and giving me some peace of mind.  Lol.

All of the staff at Goldsboro peds, and especially Dr. Horton for not trying to have me committed to the psych floor at wayne memorial after my numerous tearful breakdowns in the office the other day.  I really was not keeping it together.  And if I had been an outsider looking at me, I would have definitely called myself a nut job.  

And of course my handsome Louise- for being so amazing.  And for being such a strong support system even when he’s miles and miles away.  And for always putting a smile on my face with his hilarious skype snapshots.  I love you so much.

     If I have forgotten anybody, I will be sure to reedit this post and include you.  But, although it has been such a rough week, I have found myself nothing but thankful.  I am so thankful for all of the wonderful people God has put in my life.  I can only imagine that this week would have been so much worse without all of these people.  I probably would have voluntarily committed myself to the psych floor if it hadn’t been for everybody supporting me. 

      I am missing Shane terribly and Veda is going through a very hard adjustment period.  I am sure that with my luck, there will be more weeks like this.  But, the way I look at it is maybe the deployment will feel easier from here on out, and if it doesn’t…at least I am a little more prepared for the rough moments.  Despite it all, I’m still feeling blessed.  

growing a green thumb

For mother's day this year, I wanted one thing: a flower garden! I have never done anything but pulled weeds before. Never planted a seed or a bud, never dug a hole or pulled up a bush. So, I was starting from scratch and completely winging it! I thought that gardening would be a really fun activity just for me and Veda. I worked VERY hard for days uprooting shrubs...very stubborn shrubs...with very strong roots. Grrrr. So, on mother's day, Veda and I finally got outside and got to planting. She mostly threw dirt on me and sprayed me with the hose. On occasion, she would pull some of the petals off of the flowers that were waiting to be planted. But, I was able to get her to put in 2 flowers, and then her new hobby finally took off!

We have recently moved, so we left our little garden behind, including a beautiful rose bush that we babied and watered until it gave us some amazing little blooms. I was tempted to uproot everything and bring it to the new house, but let's be serious...i have 3 kids. Even if I had the energy to uproot all of our new plants, Im sure my kiddos could find something for me to do with all of that energy. So, for Veda's birthday, a few people jumped on our gardening band wagon. She got a beautiful, hand decorated pot from Aunt Feffie and Uncle John, complete with soil, seeds and gardening tools. Then, our friends Amber and Joe also got her a gardening set, including lots of little seeds to plant.

We got started the next morning and planted her first set of flowers in her new little pot. She did almost everything by herself...including throwing dirt all over the place. We watered those little seeds and set them on the deck with big hopes of at least one pretty little flower! For the next week or so, it continued to rain on and off.
Veda says  "Mama, it waining?"
"Yes, Veda its raining."
 "Why?"
"Because God made it rain so it would help your pretty flowers to grow."
For almost two weeks, we continued this dialogue every time it rained, which has been almost daily. Every time, her "why" question was answered with the same response...God wants Veda's little flowers to grow. After the first couple days of rain, we started to see some tiny, but precious sprouts. No flowers yet, but we have green!

So, I was laying in bed with Veda the other night, and the rain started to tap at her bedroom window. The dialogue starts once again. And after I tell her that God is growing her flowers for her, she looks at me with a very grown-up face and says "Mama, God gonna come to my house and see my fwowers."

What a beautiful thought. 

Happy 3rd birthday Veda!

Well, as most of you know, my amazing little Veda became a big girl yesterday.  She turned 3!  So hard to believe that she has become this smart, charming little girl. 

Veda was our baby that was full of risks!  The picture of her as a baby is the first time I got to hold her...an entire week after she was born.  We were told it could take up to a month before we could hold her, so I was absolutely giddy about finally getting my arms around her!  She had a tough first year, but she is a trooper.  And she taught mommy and daddy A LOT about parenting.  Shane and I were so in love with her the minute she started growing in my tummy.  She was nothing short of a miracle and we are so blessed that God chose us to raise her up.

The other pic is of her with her Uncle Siwwy on her first birthday.  Even on days when he didn't feel well, including that day, he made sure he dedicated every bit of his energy to veda.  She absolutely adored him and he made her first birthday such a memorable moment for all of us.  This was the last birthday party of hers that he was able to attend, so I really cherish those moments, and I know veda will too someday.

Now, here we are at 3!  Most people only know the good, proper side of Veda.  But, if you spend a fair enough time with our family, you have certainly been introduced to her temper tantrums, awful attitude, eye rolling and stubborn personality.  So, I guess I will just give you the facts on Veda as a 3 year old, so you really get to know what this wild woman is all about.

She is OBSESSED with her kitten, who she named princess.  Poor kitty.

She is typically shy around new people, or people she doesn't see often.

She is a HUGE flirt (no idea where she gets that from).  She flirts with her daddy, her uncle ry ry, mistuh danul, doctuh hoovuh, and pretty much any other boy that spends any time with her.  Boy, can she bat those lashes!

She is very particular about little things.  Her bed has to be put together perfectly before she will sleep in it.  And she always sleeps with the same baby doll, and her purple water cup.  Yes...it can be a little exhausting!

She is still a thumb sucker.  Don't judge me!  This is such a hard habit to break.  And I almost feel guilty about not letting her do it.  But one day...one day...

When she is tired, she drags one of my old maternity t shirts around the house, and she sleeps with it every night.  Essentially, it is her blankie.  But we still just call it mommy's shirt.

She LOVES LOVES LOVES to swing on her swing set!  I don't think she's ever asked to get off of the swing.  It usually ends by us prying her fingers off of the swing and dragging her away.

Veda is still a big fan of her trampoline.  But, she has much more fun when she has daddy or a big kid jumping with her.

She loves to tumble!  So far, she's got her front roll down and she's working on her cartwheel.  And sometimes her jumps off of tall objects turn into tumbles.  So, I guess she's turning into somewhat of a pro. 

Her best friend is Annaleigh Skidmore, but we all call her buggy.  They are best buds and they love to play together.  And they have the most adorable conversations with each other.  Buggy is such a sweet child, and somewhat of a much needed, calmer influence on Veda.

While buggy is her best friend, its a safe bet to assume that her Aunt Fayth is her favorite person in the entire world!  Fayth is so good to her, and she caters to her every want.  She keeps her so entertained with dressing up, dancing and tumbling around the house.  You could ask veda every day who she wants to see and it would always be Aunt Fayth.

Veda prefers to have her back and/or arms rubbed until she falls asleep every night. 

She spends about 70% of her day dancing around the house singing.  Mostly its b-i-n-g-o, twinkle twinkle little star, abc's or some song that shane and I have yet to learn.

She looooooooves chapstick and chewing gum.  And yes, its very annoying for mommy and daddy.  Don't ever give your kids either of these things...its an uphill battle from the beginning.

I thinl those are all of the most interesting facts about our big girl.  She is such an amazing, beautiful and smart little girl.  Every day she says something so smart.  Shane and I usually pick our jaws up off the floor and then tell her how she is such a smart girl.  I am so thankful that God chose us to raise such a beautiful girl.  She changed our lives from year long partying to something so beautiful.  She taught us what love is really all about.  And she taught us how much fun it is to have your world be completely revolved around your children.  I am nothing but thankful.  I will leave you with one of my favorite parts out of one of Veda's favorite books.  It perfectly describes my love for this sweet girl.

"For if I started counting now until forever more....
As big as that last number was, Id love you plus one more."

What a real father looks like...

In honor of father's day and the amazing men I have in my life, I decided to skip the cards this year and honor them in a way that is special to me.  I've decided to blog about 2 special fathers, so that you all can share in the joy that they have given me. 
 

Shane really enjoys reading my blogs.  So, when I thought about writing him out a card, I figured this would flatter him so much more.  So, I will just tell you about the kind of father shane is. 
First of all, to say he loves his girls more than his own life would be a huge understatement.  His entire world revolves around his girls.  In just a few short years, he completely changed his life and became a better man for his children.  Not only does he work hard every day to support his girls, he comes home and works some more.  He walks into the door to an almost 3 year old that is a bit cranky with him because he's been gone all day.  For the first 2 minutes, Veda is more than a handfull, and honestly she's a handfull that I need a break from!  But, after those 2 minutes, shane has her running up and down halls giggling and squealing with excitement!  Now, this is a skill that I have not mastered.  I can calm veda down, but I can't take her from an awful mood to a fantastic mood in 2 minutes!  But, her daddy can.  There are just some things that mommies can't do.  He also takes veda out on little dates...just the two of them.  Sometimes its a picnic in the park and sometimes its just running errands for mommy.  No matter where he takes her, she is ecstatic about a date with daddy!  And she usually comes home with more gum, chap stick and balloons...even though shane swears he's not a pushover.  Now, I think shane's parenting has certainly been challenged this year.  Going from 1 to 3 children in a year is certainly shock provoking.  But, he has handled it so well.  He has his cranky moments, but they don't last long.  And cranky or not, he is all over the house caring for whichever child needs him.  When the babies were only a few days old, we were home and still getting adjusted.  Both of us were so tired, we were hardly able to form proper sentences.  But, as I sat on the couch with one baby, I watched shane juggling in the kitchen.  Holding one tiny baby in his arms as he made veda's dinner plate for her...handing it to her and kissing her on the head.  All while keeping that sweet tiny baby perfectly cradled and content in his arms.   I have to say...that was shane's sexiest moment to date!  He looked like such a natural and he didn't seem a bit flustered with the extreme multi-tasking.  Being a good father is such an attractive quality in a man! Shane has fed and burped 2 babies at once, given 2 babies and a toddler a bath at the same time (every night, without help), wiped snotty noses, been peed on multiple times, he has brushed tiny teeth, made many many bottles, taught abc's, and gotten into a tiny child's swimming pool just to make sure she has fun.   The girls have certainly taught shane a lot over the past couple of years.  And I have to say he is the most amazing daddy, and he has learned the tough lessons with a smile on his face.  They all absolutely adore him.  If I had my pick of anyone in the world to help raise my kids, I would absolutely choose shane.  He is always a hands-on, emotional and loving father.  I absolutely adore him and I can't thank him enough for giving me and helping me raise 3 beautiful little girls. 

Now, onto the second star of my post...my daddy!  Im not sure exactly where to start.  He is a godly father and he raised all of us to be what we are today.  our family has been through some rough years, and my dad has always been the one keeping us together, keeping us from falling apart.  He is the one I go to for advice for all of the important decisions in life and I know he always has my best interests at heart.  He raised us and gave us all he had, even when he had nothing.  He has always been a loving and protective father.  And he is also an amazing grandaddy, or as veda says..."bandaddy".  All of my girls love him and look forward to seeing him.  Veda would follow him everywhere if I would let her.  She loves being at his house and taking rides through the woods on the 3-wheeler with him...even though it makes me cringe.  And even though she is the worst possible eater, she could eat her own weight in bandaddy's steaks.  There are times in my life that I look back on and I cringe when I think about the worry and heart break I put my father through.  But, his love for me never faltered and he always kept me heavily in his prayers.  And you honestly can't ask for a better father than that.  I am so thankful that God gave me such a wonderful father.  There's no telling where I would be without him, but I can promise that I would be much worse off.

I am such a blessed girl to have the family I do, especially these two men.  They are both heaven sent.  All I can say to these two wonderful men is happy father's day!   I wouldn't want to imagine mine or my daughter's lives without both of you.  The girls and I love you so much!  Thank you both for being such amazing fathers and/or bandaddys. 

Dear google, what is the safest way to stunt a baby's growth?

Well, as of yesterday, my baby girls are six months old!  -insert big, whiny sad face here-  I can't believe how fast 6 months can go by!  It seems like just yesterday I was waddling around the neighborhood in pain, wondering what kind of chaos was in store for me once I finally got my babies out of me. 
After days of begging and pleading, my doctor finally decided to induce me.  10 hours, too many contractions and a few sketchy moments later, my 2 little beauties were finally here!  Even though it feels like yesterday, my tiny babies are now these chubby little babes with very interesting personalities!  A lot changes in a very short amount of time. 
So, I guess we'll start with Loralye...who has been dubbed "LJ".  That is the nick name her uncle Siwwy came up with when she was just a little butter bean in my belly.  LJ has the sweetest little personality.  She is very easily entertained these days.  If she's not in her favorite little jumper, she is perfectly content just laying on a blanket while she happily squeals at the top of her lungs.  She has one and a half teeth...the second one just hasn't quite popped through yet.  Loralye LOVES to eat!  She sticks her thumb in her mouth between every bite and then lets out an impatient squeal if you dont feed her fast enough.  Her favorite food is bananas and she would eat it all day if I would let her.  She absolutely adores her big sissy!  Veda and Loralye have a special little bond.  Every morning, veda crawls into her crib, just to lay down and cuddle with her.  And loralye just lays there quietly, watching every move Veda makes.  Throughout every day, she keeps her eyes locked on her big sissy and giggles at every noise she makes.  She really is such a happy baby, unless she's tired.  But, as soon as she's in her bed, she falls asleep very easily, which is something I can really appreciate!  Out of all of the crazy girls in our house, LJ is definitely the sweetest. 
Now, onto sweet baby August.  This wild woman is still challenging me every chance she gets!  God specifically gave her to me in order to teach me patience.  I figure by the time she is 18, I will be able to consider patience my super power.  She has 2 little adorable teeth, and even though it took her some time, she has become a great eater.  Her favorite food is oatmeal cereal.  I don't know why...its absolutely disgusting.  Yes...I have tried it.  Why practice self control when I can very easily satisfy my curiosity?  Don't judge me.  If you are ever curious about how any kind of baby food tastes, just ask this girl.  I have an amazing palate for baby food.  So, back to August!  She looks more and more like her daddy every day...something about her round little eyes.  She is very easy to please.  As long as she's able to roll onto her belly and hang out, she is a happy girl.  She is so ready to get moving!  If her little brain could get that chubby little body off the floor, she would be all over the house!  The poor girl spits up about 80% of the day.  She doesn't seem to mind, but im sure I've mentioned how much I dread laundry!  I will happily welcome the day when spit up is no longer in my vocabulary...or my laundry.  August is a very happy baby and she laughs about everything!  No matter what you say or do, somehow its funny to her.  Even when you change her diaper, she just chuckles the whole time.  She always has a hard time getting herself to sleep, but once she gets to sleep, I swear she could sleep all day!  Although she is the more difficult baby, she is so sweet!  I look forward to waking up every morning and hearing her sweet little giggle.
Six months went by way to fast!  Seems like I could blink and they'd be toddlers already!  Id give anything to keep them little and chubby forever.  They are the most amazing little girls.  And even when I find myself unshowered, hungry, covered in mashed peas and spit up, and holding on to my sanity by a thread, I can't help but thank God for these 3 spectacular little girls.