It has officially been a week since Shane left for pre-deployment training. And oh what a week! Let me start by saying that I promised myself I would NEVER marry a military man…ever. I grew up as a military brat and the deployments were hard and the bouncing around (while limited compared to other families) was rough as well. So, I didn’t marry a military man. I married a man who was unsure about what he wanted to do. And even though I wasn’t the most supportive wife when he decided on the air force for a career, I know he did it to take care of his family and I couldn’t be more proud of him.
So, up until this point, we have been safe from deployments. No worry, no stress, no fear. Six months ago, it seemed like the deployment was so far away, but that six months FLEW by so fast. And the last week before Shane left was awful. I cried off and on for most of the week and Shane had to build me back up after a few melt downs. The only way I could describe it to him was that my heart literally hurt. The impending doom of the deployment had really settled on my shoulders and I was heartbroken. All I could think about were the things that Shane does for Veda that I am not so good at. He knows how to play with her on an entire different level, while I have a hard time stepping out of mommy mode and just having a silly time with her. He reassured me constantly and he made our last week very special, which made it that much harder to say goodbye.
The airport was probably the worst part. Veda and I were able to go through security with him, so we got more time than we expected. But, in the end the goodbye was so hard. I had to pry a screaming toddler off of Shane and drag her away. I would give anything to never have to do that. There is nothing you can say to make her understand that even though we will miss him, he will be back. And when mommy is trying her best not to sob in the airport, I am obviously not very much comfort to her. So, walking back out towards the parking deck, I continued to cry and Veda just said “mama, you sad?” and I said “yes” to which she replied “you miss siwwy?” What a precious girl she is.
After the rough goodbye, we were greeted on the other side of security by our rock for the day…Brittnee, with a caramel macchiato in hand. Just enough to put a smile on my face. But, then everything went downhill. The van started to…for lack of a better word…sputter on the way home. The check engine light came on and Brit and I made phone calls trying to figure out if we would actually make it home. We really didn’t need a break down at this point. Fortunately, we didn’t break down, but the check engine light is still on and I will be putting it in the shop soon.
Skip ahead a couple days, and all three of my babies and I are so sick! We started off with what seemed like a cold (conveniently the day Shane left) and it eventually snow balled. Three infected ears and one sinus infection later, I am pretty much crying throughout my day. I wouldn’t dare say “it can’t get any worse.” Lets be serious…I have the worst luck…I know it can get much worse. So, the deployment has started off to be nothing short of circus. But, I am keeping things as positive as I possibly can. I can just hear James telling me “Christa, stop thinking about everything that can go wrong! You have to be positive, just be positive.” So, in the spirit of positive thinking and the hope that this deployment will soon get easier, I will leave you with a list of people/things I’m thankful for this week.
Ruth- for keeping the babies for me during the journey to say goodbye, and for staying with me that night and being on duty with the babies so I could try to sleep off my illness. Oh, and may I mention that she also did all my laundry and dishes? Yes, double thanks.
Brittnee- for waking up before the sunshine to ride with me to the airport and be a wonderful support system during a very difficult time. And for sitting in the very back of the van with Veda and rubbing her sick, congested little head whenever she got a little cranky. And for taking the long drive from mar mac to my house when she knows I’ve had a rough day. And for giving me another jumper and some bigger pajamas for my babies…happy happy girls they are! Also, big thank you for checking in on me and looking out for me, and understanding that I am one of those crazy people that literally worries about EVERYTHING. Don’t let me forget Brittnee’s other half for letting me harass his wife, and for helping me clean out my back yard and trouble shoot my van.
Justina- how lovely you are! Thank you for stopping by almost every day after you’ve had a long work day, just to bring Veda a new princess movie to watch, and bring me small things to help make the babies a little happier. More than anything, thank you for the company and giving me somebody to talk to after a long day of baby/toddler conversation. You should know that you really stole my heart when you came over and fed my babies dinner while I finally got a shower and then tried to do my dishes on top of that! If we ever trade teams, you are officially my soul mate.
Mama- for meeting me in town after another emotional breakdown, and then helping me cook dinner. And for changing diapers, burping babies and amazingly getting baby august asleep when she was obviously in so much pain. Also, for treating me like a 10 year old and accompanying me to the doctor when I really wanted some company. And of course, for a good cup of coffee at the end of the day.
Daddy- for mowing my grass and making sure that my lawn will be taken care of for the remainder of the deployment. It means a lot to have you give up so much time on a Saturday just to keep me from being “that yard” in the neighborhood. And for being mean and making fun of me and telling me how horrible my cooking is. I guess some things just have to stay the same, whether Shane is here or not. And for always letting me come over for dinner, even when we ruin a romantic, kid-free night at home.
Daniel- for keeping me company almost daily! I appreciate you being my fill in husband, even if you do draw the line at poopy diapers. Thanks for driving all the way over, just to bring me some Tylenol for the babes, and for picking me up the right bottle liners! Mostly, just thank you for giving me someone to talk to.
Steph- for stopping in and bringing baby Telli! The company is always wonderful and you guys always make me laugh even when I’m being a party pooper. Thanks for accompanying me to the doctor’s office with 3 sick girls when I really really needed you. And of course, for being my lifetime maid of honor. And John, for letting me rub his Buddha belly and giving me some peace of mind. Lol.
All of the staff at Goldsboro peds, and especially Dr. Horton for not trying to have me committed to the psych floor at wayne memorial after my numerous tearful breakdowns in the office the other day. I really was not keeping it together. And if I had been an outsider looking at me, I would have definitely called myself a nut job.
And of course my handsome Louise- for being so amazing. And for being such a strong support system even when he’s miles and miles away. And for always putting a smile on my face with his hilarious skype snapshots. I love you so much.
If I have forgotten anybody, I will be sure to reedit this post and include you. But, although it has been such a rough week, I have found myself nothing but thankful. I am so thankful for all of the wonderful people God has put in my life. I can only imagine that this week would have been so much worse without all of these people. I probably would have voluntarily committed myself to the psych floor if it hadn’t been for everybody supporting me.
I am missing Shane terribly and Veda is going through a very hard adjustment period. I am sure that with my luck, there will be more weeks like this. But, the way I look at it is maybe the deployment will feel easier from here on out, and if it doesn’t…at least I am a little more prepared for the rough moments. Despite it all, I’m still feeling blessed.
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