deployment: week one *sigh*

                It has officially been a week since Shane left for pre-deployment training.  And oh what a week!  Let me start by saying that I promised myself I would NEVER marry a military man…ever.  I grew up as a military brat and the deployments were hard and the bouncing around (while limited compared to other families) was rough as well.  So, I didn’t marry a military man.  I married a man who was unsure about what he wanted to do.  And even though I wasn’t the most supportive wife when he decided on the air force for a career, I know he did it to take care of his family and I couldn’t be more proud of him. 

      So, up until this point, we have been safe from deployments.  No worry, no stress, no fear.  Six months ago, it seemed like the deployment was so far away, but that six months FLEW by so fast.  And the last week before Shane left was awful.  I cried off and on for most of the week and Shane had to build me back up after a few melt downs.  The only way I could describe it to him was that my heart literally hurt.  The impending doom of the deployment had really settled on my shoulders and I was heartbroken.  All I could think about were the things that Shane does for Veda that I am not so good at.  He knows how to play with her on an entire different level, while I have a hard time stepping out of mommy mode and just having a silly time with her.  He reassured me constantly and he made our last week very special, which made it that much harder to say goodbye.

      The airport was probably the worst part.  Veda and I were able to go through security with him, so we got more time than we expected.  But, in the end the goodbye was so hard.  I had to pry a screaming toddler off of Shane and drag her away.  I would give anything to never have to do that.  There is nothing you can say to make her understand that even though we will miss him, he will be back.  And when mommy is trying her best not to sob in the airport, I am obviously not very much comfort to her.  So, walking back out towards the parking deck, I continued to cry and Veda just said “mama, you sad?”  and I said “yes” to which she replied “you miss siwwy?”   What a precious girl she is. 

      After the rough goodbye, we were greeted on the other side of security by our rock for the day…Brittnee, with a caramel macchiato in hand.  Just enough to put a smile on my face.  But, then everything went downhill.  The van started to…for lack of a better word…sputter on the way home.  The check engine light came on and Brit and I made phone calls trying to figure out if we would actually make it home.  We really didn’t need a break down at this point.  Fortunately, we didn’t break down, but the check engine light is still on and I will be putting it in the shop soon. 

      Skip ahead a couple days, and all three of my babies and I are so sick!  We started off with what seemed like a cold (conveniently the day Shane left) and it eventually snow balled.  Three infected ears and one sinus infection later, I am pretty much crying throughout my day.  I wouldn’t dare say “it can’t get any worse.”  Lets be serious…I have the worst luck…I know it can get much worse.  So, the deployment has started off to be nothing short of circus.  But, I am keeping things as positive as I possibly can.  I can just hear James telling me “Christa, stop thinking about everything that can go wrong!  You have to be positive, just be positive.”  So, in the spirit of positive thinking and the hope that this deployment will soon get easier, I will leave you with a list of people/things  I’m thankful for this week. 

Ruth- for keeping the babies for me during the journey to say goodbye, and for staying with me that night and being on duty with the babies so I could try to sleep off my illness.  Oh, and may I mention that she also did all my laundry and dishes?  Yes, double thanks.

Brittnee- for waking up before the sunshine to ride with me to the airport and be a wonderful support system during a very difficult time.  And for sitting in the very back of the van with Veda and rubbing her sick, congested little head whenever she got a little cranky.  And for taking the long drive from mar mac to my house when she knows I’ve had a rough day.  And for giving me another jumper and some bigger pajamas for my babies…happy happy girls they are!  Also, big thank you for checking in on me and looking out for me, and understanding that I am one of those crazy people that literally worries about EVERYTHING.  Don’t let me forget Brittnee’s other half for letting me harass his wife, and for helping me clean out my back yard and trouble shoot my van. 

Justina- how lovely you are!  Thank you for stopping by almost every day after you’ve had a long work day, just to bring Veda a new princess movie to watch, and bring me small things to help make the babies a little happier.  More than anything, thank you for the company and giving me somebody to talk to after a long day of baby/toddler conversation.  You should know that you really stole my heart when you came over and fed my babies dinner while I finally got a shower and then tried to do my dishes on top of that!  If we ever trade teams, you are officially my soul mate. 

Mama- for meeting me in town after another emotional breakdown, and then helping me cook dinner.  And for changing diapers, burping babies and amazingly getting baby august asleep when she was obviously in so much pain.  Also, for treating me like a 10 year old and accompanying me to the doctor when I really wanted some company.  And of course, for a good cup of coffee at the end of the day. 

Daddy- for mowing my grass and making sure that my lawn will be taken care of for the remainder of the deployment.  It means a lot to have you give up so much time on a Saturday just to keep me from being “that yard” in the neighborhood.  And for being mean and making fun of me and telling me how horrible my cooking is.  I guess some things just have to stay the same, whether Shane is here or not.  And for always letting me come over for dinner, even when we ruin  a romantic, kid-free night at home.

Daniel- for keeping me company almost daily!  I appreciate you being my fill in husband, even if you do draw the line at poopy diapers.  Thanks for driving all the way over, just to bring me some Tylenol for the babes, and for picking me up the right bottle liners!  Mostly, just thank you for giving me someone to talk to. 

Steph- for stopping in and bringing baby Telli!  The company is always wonderful and you guys always make me laugh even when I’m being a party pooper.  Thanks for accompanying me to the doctor’s office with 3 sick girls when I really really needed you.  And of course, for being my lifetime maid of honor.  And John, for letting me rub his Buddha belly and giving me some peace of mind.  Lol.

All of the staff at Goldsboro peds, and especially Dr. Horton for not trying to have me committed to the psych floor at wayne memorial after my numerous tearful breakdowns in the office the other day.  I really was not keeping it together.  And if I had been an outsider looking at me, I would have definitely called myself a nut job.  

And of course my handsome Louise- for being so amazing.  And for being such a strong support system even when he’s miles and miles away.  And for always putting a smile on my face with his hilarious skype snapshots.  I love you so much.

     If I have forgotten anybody, I will be sure to reedit this post and include you.  But, although it has been such a rough week, I have found myself nothing but thankful.  I am so thankful for all of the wonderful people God has put in my life.  I can only imagine that this week would have been so much worse without all of these people.  I probably would have voluntarily committed myself to the psych floor if it hadn’t been for everybody supporting me. 

      I am missing Shane terribly and Veda is going through a very hard adjustment period.  I am sure that with my luck, there will be more weeks like this.  But, the way I look at it is maybe the deployment will feel easier from here on out, and if it doesn’t…at least I am a little more prepared for the rough moments.  Despite it all, I’m still feeling blessed.  

growing a green thumb

For mother's day this year, I wanted one thing: a flower garden! I have never done anything but pulled weeds before. Never planted a seed or a bud, never dug a hole or pulled up a bush. So, I was starting from scratch and completely winging it! I thought that gardening would be a really fun activity just for me and Veda. I worked VERY hard for days uprooting shrubs...very stubborn shrubs...with very strong roots. Grrrr. So, on mother's day, Veda and I finally got outside and got to planting. She mostly threw dirt on me and sprayed me with the hose. On occasion, she would pull some of the petals off of the flowers that were waiting to be planted. But, I was able to get her to put in 2 flowers, and then her new hobby finally took off!

We have recently moved, so we left our little garden behind, including a beautiful rose bush that we babied and watered until it gave us some amazing little blooms. I was tempted to uproot everything and bring it to the new house, but let's be serious...i have 3 kids. Even if I had the energy to uproot all of our new plants, Im sure my kiddos could find something for me to do with all of that energy. So, for Veda's birthday, a few people jumped on our gardening band wagon. She got a beautiful, hand decorated pot from Aunt Feffie and Uncle John, complete with soil, seeds and gardening tools. Then, our friends Amber and Joe also got her a gardening set, including lots of little seeds to plant.

We got started the next morning and planted her first set of flowers in her new little pot. She did almost everything by herself...including throwing dirt all over the place. We watered those little seeds and set them on the deck with big hopes of at least one pretty little flower! For the next week or so, it continued to rain on and off.
Veda says  "Mama, it waining?"
"Yes, Veda its raining."
 "Why?"
"Because God made it rain so it would help your pretty flowers to grow."
For almost two weeks, we continued this dialogue every time it rained, which has been almost daily. Every time, her "why" question was answered with the same response...God wants Veda's little flowers to grow. After the first couple days of rain, we started to see some tiny, but precious sprouts. No flowers yet, but we have green!

So, I was laying in bed with Veda the other night, and the rain started to tap at her bedroom window. The dialogue starts once again. And after I tell her that God is growing her flowers for her, she looks at me with a very grown-up face and says "Mama, God gonna come to my house and see my fwowers."

What a beautiful thought. 

Happy 3rd birthday Veda!

Well, as most of you know, my amazing little Veda became a big girl yesterday.  She turned 3!  So hard to believe that she has become this smart, charming little girl. 

Veda was our baby that was full of risks!  The picture of her as a baby is the first time I got to hold her...an entire week after she was born.  We were told it could take up to a month before we could hold her, so I was absolutely giddy about finally getting my arms around her!  She had a tough first year, but she is a trooper.  And she taught mommy and daddy A LOT about parenting.  Shane and I were so in love with her the minute she started growing in my tummy.  She was nothing short of a miracle and we are so blessed that God chose us to raise her up.

The other pic is of her with her Uncle Siwwy on her first birthday.  Even on days when he didn't feel well, including that day, he made sure he dedicated every bit of his energy to veda.  She absolutely adored him and he made her first birthday such a memorable moment for all of us.  This was the last birthday party of hers that he was able to attend, so I really cherish those moments, and I know veda will too someday.

Now, here we are at 3!  Most people only know the good, proper side of Veda.  But, if you spend a fair enough time with our family, you have certainly been introduced to her temper tantrums, awful attitude, eye rolling and stubborn personality.  So, I guess I will just give you the facts on Veda as a 3 year old, so you really get to know what this wild woman is all about.

She is OBSESSED with her kitten, who she named princess.  Poor kitty.

She is typically shy around new people, or people she doesn't see often.

She is a HUGE flirt (no idea where she gets that from).  She flirts with her daddy, her uncle ry ry, mistuh danul, doctuh hoovuh, and pretty much any other boy that spends any time with her.  Boy, can she bat those lashes!

She is very particular about little things.  Her bed has to be put together perfectly before she will sleep in it.  And she always sleeps with the same baby doll, and her purple water cup.  Yes...it can be a little exhausting!

She is still a thumb sucker.  Don't judge me!  This is such a hard habit to break.  And I almost feel guilty about not letting her do it.  But one day...one day...

When she is tired, she drags one of my old maternity t shirts around the house, and she sleeps with it every night.  Essentially, it is her blankie.  But we still just call it mommy's shirt.

She LOVES LOVES LOVES to swing on her swing set!  I don't think she's ever asked to get off of the swing.  It usually ends by us prying her fingers off of the swing and dragging her away.

Veda is still a big fan of her trampoline.  But, she has much more fun when she has daddy or a big kid jumping with her.

She loves to tumble!  So far, she's got her front roll down and she's working on her cartwheel.  And sometimes her jumps off of tall objects turn into tumbles.  So, I guess she's turning into somewhat of a pro. 

Her best friend is Annaleigh Skidmore, but we all call her buggy.  They are best buds and they love to play together.  And they have the most adorable conversations with each other.  Buggy is such a sweet child, and somewhat of a much needed, calmer influence on Veda.

While buggy is her best friend, its a safe bet to assume that her Aunt Fayth is her favorite person in the entire world!  Fayth is so good to her, and she caters to her every want.  She keeps her so entertained with dressing up, dancing and tumbling around the house.  You could ask veda every day who she wants to see and it would always be Aunt Fayth.

Veda prefers to have her back and/or arms rubbed until she falls asleep every night. 

She spends about 70% of her day dancing around the house singing.  Mostly its b-i-n-g-o, twinkle twinkle little star, abc's or some song that shane and I have yet to learn.

She looooooooves chapstick and chewing gum.  And yes, its very annoying for mommy and daddy.  Don't ever give your kids either of these things...its an uphill battle from the beginning.

I thinl those are all of the most interesting facts about our big girl.  She is such an amazing, beautiful and smart little girl.  Every day she says something so smart.  Shane and I usually pick our jaws up off the floor and then tell her how she is such a smart girl.  I am so thankful that God chose us to raise such a beautiful girl.  She changed our lives from year long partying to something so beautiful.  She taught us what love is really all about.  And she taught us how much fun it is to have your world be completely revolved around your children.  I am nothing but thankful.  I will leave you with one of my favorite parts out of one of Veda's favorite books.  It perfectly describes my love for this sweet girl.

"For if I started counting now until forever more....
As big as that last number was, Id love you plus one more."