Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus, bring the rain
-mercy me-
"I love you so much. And I'm sorry that this happened to you...I would have taken it all if I could. I wish I could trade places with you. But, even after all you have gone through...you're the lucky one. You get to be with Jesus soon and you don't have to live in this awful world anymore. You don't have to see all of these people wasting their lives on the streets while you work to protect them. You won't have to feel heart ache anymore or know what it's like to worry. And you won't have to wonder how we're all doing, because God will show you. You'll be able to see that we'll never be the same without you, but that you have changed our lives forever. You'll get to see your 2 brand new nieces before I do, and you'll take joy in the fact that one of them looks JUST LIKE YOU. And, she prods and teases me just like you always have. And you'll get to listen to Veda talk about you and say that she misses Uncle Siwwy, or that she wants to go to your house and see you. And, you'll be getting even more finger paintings from her, except this time, we'll be sending them to you attached to balloons. You'll get to see all 3 of your nieces grow up and know you as if they had spent every day with you. Because, even though we only got you for a short time, you were an incredible, loving and doting uncle. And I promise, I promise...I will teach them about that side of you. They will know that if we were to all leave and they had nobody, they would always have this amazing Uncle who loved them so much and would have given up everything for them. The babies will know that you fought so hard and all you ever wanted to do was make it long enough to meet them. I'll show them pictures of you and tell them funny stories about when we were kids. And I'll remind Veda about all of the fun things she did with you and how you came to the hospital when she was first born and loved her immediately, and cuddled her like she was your very own. I promise, there will be people who will never get the chance to meet you, and by talking to me, they will realize they missed out on meeting this beautiful, strong person. I promise to give you that. I promise to never forget. I promise to remember every small thing you gave me. God will show you all of the hearts you've changed because you have been so faithful through it all. You've praised Him in the storms of your life. And you have never faltered. God will show you the faces of all those people you changed, just by being strong spiritually and facing your storm head on. And you will get to see everyone rally in your memory every year at relay for life, because you will always be on everyone's heart. You deserve every bit of joy you brought to so many people. And for those people that never got the chance to tell you, God will show you how much they truly loved and cared for you. So, even though this is the end of this side of life, you have so much to look forward to. And God is going to give it all to you. You're about to be pain free...you're about to be cancer free. And its such a beautiful thing. We've prayed for these things for so long. And even though I want you here with me, I want even more for you to just be happy. And you're about to be the happiest you've ever been. And we will all be okay. It will hurt, but we'll be okay. We know you're not giving up and we know you've done everything you can do. And you've fought through so much more than the rest of us could have. And that's why when I have hard days, I'll never complain...because I know that you've had much harder days. I just want you to know that you're EVERYTHING to me. You are all I've ever had. And you've always been there when I've needed you...my entire life. I'll never forget even the smallest moments with you. The days on the lake, that funny night in wilmington, you putting work on hold to let me cry on your shoulder because of a breakup, staying at your old apartment to escape from mama and daddy, playing with my ken dolls while i played with barbies, jumping off the second floor balcony and breaking the couch, being with you in the jeep and listening to music and talking about what it meant to you and how that one song had changed so much for you, you always telling me to keep a positive attitude. There are so many things...so many reasons I love you and have always needed you. I promise I will never forget. After I find my new normal, I promise to look back on all these things and smile. And I promise to tell people these stories. And I promise to remind daddy what a pain in the ass we used to be. Because, I know that will bring a smile to his face. Thank you for being everything to me, and thank you for taking care of me even when I didn't deserve it. I love you so much, and even though I wish I had been the one with cancer and not you...I really envy you now. Because, you're about to see the most beautiful face you've ever seen...and He will be all you imagined He would be. And I know He'll hold on to you for me until I get there. And even though it's only been 26 years, you've made it an amazing 26 years...and I guess if anybody deserves to see the face of God in such a short time, it definitely would be you. I won't say goodbye, but I will say I'll see you soon. Because when you're gone,no matter how long I have to wait...it will be worth the wait. Once I can get my arms around you again...it will have been worth the wait. And it will have been worth the pain. So, for now I'm crying for me because I don't want to go on without you. But, I'll celebrate for you, because you are about to be in such a better place and you'll finally be free of cancer. I love you so much...we all do. And I promise you, the only thing that will be missing is your physical body. Because, we will carry you with us every day. I love you so much siwwy. And I'm gonna miss you every day. But, you did everything you could and now God needs you with Him. Thank you for being the most amazing brother I could have asked for. I'll never stop loving you and I'll see you soon."
