So, I know I haven't posted in FOREVER it seems like. I've tried to post here and there, but I have ultimately failed at keeping family updated on the day to day that is the O'Neill circus. The past few months have been incredibly busy...to the point that we are now processing how to slow things down just a bit. I won't get into a big post about all of the happenings lately...instead I will just give you a list of the big events of our lives in the past few months, followed by a slideshow featuring none other than the O'Neill beauties. :)
- We had an amazing (and suprisingly smooth) trip to Georgia, where we saw Uncle Ry Ry and Aunt Sheena get married. Veda was the flower girl, too shy to walk down the isle.
-We saw 2 surgeries in one week. My surgery on a monday, which was way more brutal than I expected, and then LJ had tubes put in that wednesday. Please don't ask me how Shane survived it...I'm sure he's forever damaged.
-We celebrated another Easter with our sweet girls. The babies had their first Easter egg hunt and Veda finally warmed up/fell in love with the Easter bunny.
-Veda rode a horse for the first time. The first time, mommy had to be included, but the second time she hopped on a pony all by herself. And now...we are having a horse themed birthday party!
-We had a wonderful visit from my sister Megan and her circus. We had a lot of fun, and Veda enjoyed spending every waking moment with Kadence and Maddie. We miss them like crazy, but that 1 week was what we all had needed for quite some time.
-We participated in Relay for Life again this year. The second year without my brother. It was emotional and yet comforting. I got on the back of a harley (against shane's better judgement...im a bad listener) and participated in his memorial ride. It was a blast, and I plan to do it again next year.
-I have registered, trained and dedicated almost all of my free time to participating in a triathalon in September. I'll be training and competing with The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training. So far, the training has been great. I'm enjoying it, and every donation I get towards research just motivates me even more. It has and will continue to be challenging. I'm looking forward to crossing the finish line in September (a week before James' birthday) knowing that I raised money for people who are facing the same things James faced. (Thanks to Louise who picks up all of my slack at night with the kiddos while i work out for hours. You're amazing and I couldn't do it without you.)
-My sweet little (but bigger) brother, Chase turned 18 in May. Yes, I got a little misty eyed. I changed his diapers. So, I feel old, and I feel proud of the young man he is. He's dedicated to his goals and he's got his head screwed on straight. And now that he has a truck, he pops by whenever he wants...a breath of fresh air. I love him so much.
-We celebrated a wonderful mother's day. Always one of my favorite days. And I was able to give my mom and nana a very special gift in rememberance of James that we all can share. Everything about the day was special...as always.
-Shane and I celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary in May also, and 7 years of being together as of June 3rd. It's been one heck of a ride. It's amazing how much we have changed as a couple since that first year together. I'm thankful for the changes, and the challenges that have brought us here. Our biggest problem: we don't have enough time for each other! But, we've been fortunate (thanks to all the grandparents) to have 2 romantic get aways to the beach. Even if all we do is sleep, eat and talk...its so nice to get away with just him.
-Shane has been studying for months and just tested for staff. Fingers crossed that he makes the list! I have faith that he did though...even if he disagrees with me. He worries too much.
I think that pretty much catches everyone up. I'm sure there are things that I've missed. Every day flies by faster than the one before, and we find ourselves trying to hold on to the sweetest moments with our girls. They are funny and wild and full of...birth control techniques. :) One day with our girls, and I think most people are refusing children. But for us, its a normal and wild day. And eventually, the screaming and squeals don't seem as loud as they used to be...maybe we are just slowly losing our hearing. But, not a day passes that I don't have to just sit there and giggle and think of how blessed i am because, THIS is my life. :)
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
one year, six months
So, yesterday was just a normal night in the O'Neill house. Trying to get a sneaky little 3 year old to bed while she's doing everything she can to stall. It can be a little bit...er...unpleasant for a mother most nights. This night, it was another potty stop before bed, which usually takes at least 10 minutes...pee or no pee, we're still looking at a 10 minute stint on the potty. So, in my impatience and exasperation, I just sat on the floor with a huff. And that's when a beautiful dialogue began.
Veda, pointing at my shoulder: "Mama, are you gonna wash your tattoo off before you go to bed?"
me: "No baby, it never comes off. It will be there forever and ever! Scratch it real hard and see."
She scratches...too hard. I cringe. She giggles.
Veda: "How come it doesn't come off?"
me: "Because I want it to be there forever and ever!"
Veda: "Is that your Siwwy tattoo?"
me: "Yep, it's my tattoo for Siwwy."
Veda: "Why don't you want it to come off?"
me: "Because I want to be able to look at it every day and think of Uncle Siwwy. It makes mommy happy."
At this point, I am barely stifling the tears, but I am managing until...
Veda: "Mama, does it bweak your heart??"
Aaaaaand, the flood gates open!!
me: "Yes baby, it does break my heart. But, that's okay. It's just because I miss him. But, that's why I got the tattoo. It makes mama feel better"
Veda: "I'm sowwy mama. I wike your Siwwy tattoo."
And then a sweet kiss from my sweet girl. :)
It's amazing the things that come out of her mouth and how much she understands. I don't think I have ever even spoken to her about a broken heart, but she picked it up somewhere, and she knew exactly what it meant. And while I sat and cried because I missed my brother, I cried more because it was just another one of those moments when I was reminded that despite the every day frustrations, my little girl has the most beautiful little heart. And she knows exactly what to say exactly when I need it. Just so happens, I had spent most of the day dwelling on the fact that it has been a year and a half. And I had already met someone earlier that day who knew my brother and never knew me, and did something so beautiful for me that brought me to tears. God knows when I avoid the grieving, and avoid the thought of someone I love so much. And then, He literally puts the thoughts right in my face so that I can no longer avoid them. I am amazed daily. And I hate to brag, but I am so blessed with my amazing little Veda. At her age, she really has no idea how much her words can impact someone. But last night...in the middle of potty time...she just so happened to mend a part of my broken heart.
Veda, pointing at my shoulder: "Mama, are you gonna wash your tattoo off before you go to bed?"
me: "No baby, it never comes off. It will be there forever and ever! Scratch it real hard and see."
She scratches...too hard. I cringe. She giggles.
Veda: "How come it doesn't come off?"
me: "Because I want it to be there forever and ever!"
Veda: "Is that your Siwwy tattoo?"
me: "Yep, it's my tattoo for Siwwy."
Veda: "Why don't you want it to come off?"
me: "Because I want to be able to look at it every day and think of Uncle Siwwy. It makes mommy happy."
At this point, I am barely stifling the tears, but I am managing until...
Veda: "Mama, does it bweak your heart??"
Aaaaaand, the flood gates open!!
me: "Yes baby, it does break my heart. But, that's okay. It's just because I miss him. But, that's why I got the tattoo. It makes mama feel better"
Veda: "I'm sowwy mama. I wike your Siwwy tattoo."
And then a sweet kiss from my sweet girl. :)
It's amazing the things that come out of her mouth and how much she understands. I don't think I have ever even spoken to her about a broken heart, but she picked it up somewhere, and she knew exactly what it meant. And while I sat and cried because I missed my brother, I cried more because it was just another one of those moments when I was reminded that despite the every day frustrations, my little girl has the most beautiful little heart. And she knows exactly what to say exactly when I need it. Just so happens, I had spent most of the day dwelling on the fact that it has been a year and a half. And I had already met someone earlier that day who knew my brother and never knew me, and did something so beautiful for me that brought me to tears. God knows when I avoid the grieving, and avoid the thought of someone I love so much. And then, He literally puts the thoughts right in my face so that I can no longer avoid them. I am amazed daily. And I hate to brag, but I am so blessed with my amazing little Veda. At her age, she really has no idea how much her words can impact someone. But last night...in the middle of potty time...she just so happened to mend a part of my broken heart.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
things i love today...
a successful surgery for LJ, and being greeted by her sweet smile in recovery!
the end of the awful "ear infection era".
snickers ice cream bars, and ben & jerry's...any ice cream, really.
a good day without an extreme amount of pain...even though im still confined to sitting on my rear all day. :(
my amazing hubby and how awesome he is. taking such good care of me and all 3 girls without a hitch! i am so blessed to have him...and i cant blame him if he's eager to go back to work (but he would never say that out loud!) :)
Everybody who has stepped up and helped us out...babysitting, cooking, visiting or just giving an extra hand when its needed. You know who you are and I absolutely LOVE all of you!
Auggie's silly little walk where she shrugs her shoulders and swings her arms around and grunts/yells throughout the house.
After apologizing to Veda for putting a pillow between us in bed so she doesnt accidentally kick me, she says "mama...its okay!" as if it was silly that I even mentioned it.
The long awaited visit from our dear Justin since he returned from the desert. Took long enough!!
And finally, the way God has blessed us and brought us through a seemingly impossible week...and it almost felt easy!
As always...so blessed, and even more thankful. :)
the end of the awful "ear infection era".
snickers ice cream bars, and ben & jerry's...any ice cream, really.
a good day without an extreme amount of pain...even though im still confined to sitting on my rear all day. :(
my amazing hubby and how awesome he is. taking such good care of me and all 3 girls without a hitch! i am so blessed to have him...and i cant blame him if he's eager to go back to work (but he would never say that out loud!) :)
Everybody who has stepped up and helped us out...babysitting, cooking, visiting or just giving an extra hand when its needed. You know who you are and I absolutely LOVE all of you!
Auggie's silly little walk where she shrugs her shoulders and swings her arms around and grunts/yells throughout the house.
After apologizing to Veda for putting a pillow between us in bed so she doesnt accidentally kick me, she says "mama...its okay!" as if it was silly that I even mentioned it.
The long awaited visit from our dear Justin since he returned from the desert. Took long enough!!
And finally, the way God has blessed us and brought us through a seemingly impossible week...and it almost felt easy!
As always...so blessed, and even more thankful. :)
Monday, March 12, 2012
the emotional end of a beautiful era...
With so much going on lately, I've hardly had time to blog. And in all honesty...I have had one thing I've wanted to blog about, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. The sole purpose of this blog is to get the bad things off my chest, and the good things into someone else's heart. I want my family to be connected to what goes on in this house as much as we are. That being said, this is one post which has the sole purpose of getting something bad off my chest, but I hope by the end, it will have put something good in someone's heart.
It has been over a year since August and Loralye were born. What a blessing...and what amazing babies! They are so smiley, and I swear they hardly give us any stress. I am sure that will change one day, but for now, I am basking in the blessing of the coolest babies ever. But, in this last year I have dealt with health issues caused by my twin pregnancy. I have been blessed to be able to conceive easily and to carry and birth babies without complications...I realize that a lot of women don't have it so easy. So, I daily remind myself that I am a very lucky woman...and I have 3 beautiful children. But, in so many words...carrying the twins pretty much jacked me up. I've been in pain for a year now. Usually dull, but there are days when it hurts to just move. I have had ultrasounds, seen 3 different doctors, and at this point, I still dont have any conclusion on exactly what it is that I have. The only thing that any doctor can agree on is surgery...the mommy parts have got to come out. We have tried every option to avoid this up until this point with no success. So, with seeing a specialist last week...we finally made the decision. I decided I don't want to be in pain anymore, and honestly i don't have TIME to be in pain!
So, here we are at this HUGE decision in life...a histerectomy. Just the sound of that word is hurtful. I'm only 26. Granted, Shane and I have always said no more children. But, a mother can't help but wonder...what if something were to happen to one of my girls? What if the only thing that would keep me going is another baby to love and hold? Obviously, you can never replace your children, but I believe sometimes parents need that to move on after a tragedy. I am not expecting a tragedy...I whole heartedly trust that God is taking full care of my girls. But, you never expect the unexpected. (This is the irrational, freaking out mommy side of me...can't you tell??) So, leaving Chapel Hill the other day, I had a reaction that I kind of thought would come, but I had already decided I wouldnt allow it. No breakdowns...this is what has to be done...I can't live in pain. Well, obviously my strong will didn't succeed...we no sooner got outside that I just burst into tears. Its one thing to make the decision to not have anymore kids, its another thing for your body to make that decision for you. Again, for all those women out there who cant have kids and want to punch me right now...I know that I am so blessed. I just feel as though I am now grieving such a beautiful time in my life.
Post surgery, this will be the end of that beautiful time in every mom's life. Being so pregnant you cant see your feet, paint your toes or shave properly. Feeling all those sweet little kicks and flips, that are sometimes painful but sweet nonetheless. The anxiety over getting everything perfect before the baby comes. Decorating a nursery to perfection, knowing that within a year it will be ruined. The anticipation of when your baby is finally going to make her enterance..."Please let it be today! I'm so tired. But wait...I'm too tired to give birth right now. Please let it be tomorrow!" And then there's labor, an awful yet beautiful experience. Home stretch...get through the pain and finally see your baby! The excitement with every centimeter and the support of your own personal cheerleading squad...including an amazing nurse. And then finally...the most beautiful moment...holding your baby for the first time. What a feeling! I dont care if you have the ugliest child on earth...in that second...that baby is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen! And the calmness they get as soon as you talk to them. They've been ripped from this safe little world into cold and bright lights (screaming the whole way out) and then as soon as you talk...that beautiful calmness sets over them and you find yourself so proud to be a mother. They trust that voice immediately.
These are all of the things that I cherished with my girls and these are all of the things I will miss. Such beautiful moments that turn into memories. I am not bitter about any of this...I mean, I wouldnt have this health condition if I had never been pregnant with the girls. So, it is somewhat of a blessing. I am just grieving the face that December 13, 2010 was officially the last time I will have been blessed with all these amazing things. As for now, I am enjoying every moment with my girls and thanking God that He entrusted them to me.
So, with surgery coming soon, please keep me in your prayers that things will go great with no complications...and it will fix the problem! As for me...I will still grieve for a short time...and then I will just thrive on the memories on three of the most beautiful times in my life.
It has been over a year since August and Loralye were born. What a blessing...and what amazing babies! They are so smiley, and I swear they hardly give us any stress. I am sure that will change one day, but for now, I am basking in the blessing of the coolest babies ever. But, in this last year I have dealt with health issues caused by my twin pregnancy. I have been blessed to be able to conceive easily and to carry and birth babies without complications...I realize that a lot of women don't have it so easy. So, I daily remind myself that I am a very lucky woman...and I have 3 beautiful children. But, in so many words...carrying the twins pretty much jacked me up. I've been in pain for a year now. Usually dull, but there are days when it hurts to just move. I have had ultrasounds, seen 3 different doctors, and at this point, I still dont have any conclusion on exactly what it is that I have. The only thing that any doctor can agree on is surgery...the mommy parts have got to come out. We have tried every option to avoid this up until this point with no success. So, with seeing a specialist last week...we finally made the decision. I decided I don't want to be in pain anymore, and honestly i don't have TIME to be in pain!
So, here we are at this HUGE decision in life...a histerectomy. Just the sound of that word is hurtful. I'm only 26. Granted, Shane and I have always said no more children. But, a mother can't help but wonder...what if something were to happen to one of my girls? What if the only thing that would keep me going is another baby to love and hold? Obviously, you can never replace your children, but I believe sometimes parents need that to move on after a tragedy. I am not expecting a tragedy...I whole heartedly trust that God is taking full care of my girls. But, you never expect the unexpected. (This is the irrational, freaking out mommy side of me...can't you tell??) So, leaving Chapel Hill the other day, I had a reaction that I kind of thought would come, but I had already decided I wouldnt allow it. No breakdowns...this is what has to be done...I can't live in pain. Well, obviously my strong will didn't succeed...we no sooner got outside that I just burst into tears. Its one thing to make the decision to not have anymore kids, its another thing for your body to make that decision for you. Again, for all those women out there who cant have kids and want to punch me right now...I know that I am so blessed. I just feel as though I am now grieving such a beautiful time in my life.
Post surgery, this will be the end of that beautiful time in every mom's life. Being so pregnant you cant see your feet, paint your toes or shave properly. Feeling all those sweet little kicks and flips, that are sometimes painful but sweet nonetheless. The anxiety over getting everything perfect before the baby comes. Decorating a nursery to perfection, knowing that within a year it will be ruined. The anticipation of when your baby is finally going to make her enterance..."Please let it be today! I'm so tired. But wait...I'm too tired to give birth right now. Please let it be tomorrow!" And then there's labor, an awful yet beautiful experience. Home stretch...get through the pain and finally see your baby! The excitement with every centimeter and the support of your own personal cheerleading squad...including an amazing nurse. And then finally...the most beautiful moment...holding your baby for the first time. What a feeling! I dont care if you have the ugliest child on earth...in that second...that baby is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen! And the calmness they get as soon as you talk to them. They've been ripped from this safe little world into cold and bright lights (screaming the whole way out) and then as soon as you talk...that beautiful calmness sets over them and you find yourself so proud to be a mother. They trust that voice immediately.
These are all of the things that I cherished with my girls and these are all of the things I will miss. Such beautiful moments that turn into memories. I am not bitter about any of this...I mean, I wouldnt have this health condition if I had never been pregnant with the girls. So, it is somewhat of a blessing. I am just grieving the face that December 13, 2010 was officially the last time I will have been blessed with all these amazing things. As for now, I am enjoying every moment with my girls and thanking God that He entrusted them to me.
So, with surgery coming soon, please keep me in your prayers that things will go great with no complications...and it will fix the problem! As for me...I will still grieve for a short time...and then I will just thrive on the memories on three of the most beautiful times in my life.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
things i love today, and yesterday, and the day before
So, Shane and I have had a beautiful vacation! It has been just what we needed, and although we miss the girls terribly, it has been so nice to relax and reconnect without the thoughts of diapers, bottles, pacis, car seats, strollers, cranky 3 year olds and just all of the logistics of raising our babies. Knowing they are safe and happy with family is a blessing and a huge stress relief. When Shane and I lived in wilmington, we of course were very poor and couldn't afford to do much. But we always loved walking downtown and window shopping and just enjoying the river walk. During this vacation, we decided to stay in the glamorous Hilton, which I will say we are not very impressed with. You pay A LOT for a room, then you have to pay for parking!@! And an extremely overpriced breakfast!!! Other than that, we were definitely impressed with everything else. So, below is a list of things I absolutely loved on our romantic get away.
Quiet time with Louise.
Le Catalan French restaurant...small, quiet, romantic, fairly priced, delicious food and the BEST chocolate mouse I have ever had in my life!
A hand made lady bug and pearl bracelet for our sweet Veda...all hand picked stones and pearls...also very fairly priced.
All of the animal lovers in downtown Wilmington...beautiful pit bulls running up to you for loving, and animals in almost every store and pub in downtown wilmington.
Steamed oysters, steamed oysters, steamed oysters!!
Watching Seth Rogan film a movie in the middle of dock street...and watching all of the stalkers trying to zoom in for pics of him. He's funny, but he's just a person! I'll save my snap shots for my babies.
The Warfarer Delicatessen. Delicious overpriced sandwiches! Shane made love to his food.
The lovely Irish woman, Elan who works at the cotton exchange. Such a strong woman! Talking to her and listening to her stories about her family's struggles with cancer and all the miracles in between. Gave me goosebumps and touched my heart. Thank God for crossing paths and starting way more than casual conversations.
The Celtic store, and all of the Irish goodies Shane drooled over.
Sleeping in! At least until Louise wakes me up.
Having lots of time to actually do my hair and makeup! So different from my usual days of unbrushed hair and all day pajamas, typically covered in juice and chewed up food.
Having a reason to dress up nicely every day!
The duck n dive...and the unexpected live reggae band! So much fun!
A big enough bath tub for me AND Louise.
Beautiful warm weather and the rain holding off until the day we leave.
Raspberry lambic.
Finally getting home today and getting my arms around my babies!
And lastly...this love song and how it reminds me of the days in Wilmington with just me and Shane...completely and wildly in love and care free...
Quiet time with Louise.
Le Catalan French restaurant...small, quiet, romantic, fairly priced, delicious food and the BEST chocolate mouse I have ever had in my life!
A hand made lady bug and pearl bracelet for our sweet Veda...all hand picked stones and pearls...also very fairly priced.
All of the animal lovers in downtown Wilmington...beautiful pit bulls running up to you for loving, and animals in almost every store and pub in downtown wilmington.
Steamed oysters, steamed oysters, steamed oysters!!
Watching Seth Rogan film a movie in the middle of dock street...and watching all of the stalkers trying to zoom in for pics of him. He's funny, but he's just a person! I'll save my snap shots for my babies.
The Warfarer Delicatessen. Delicious overpriced sandwiches! Shane made love to his food.
The lovely Irish woman, Elan who works at the cotton exchange. Such a strong woman! Talking to her and listening to her stories about her family's struggles with cancer and all the miracles in between. Gave me goosebumps and touched my heart. Thank God for crossing paths and starting way more than casual conversations.
The Celtic store, and all of the Irish goodies Shane drooled over.
Sleeping in! At least until Louise wakes me up.
Having lots of time to actually do my hair and makeup! So different from my usual days of unbrushed hair and all day pajamas, typically covered in juice and chewed up food.
Having a reason to dress up nicely every day!
The duck n dive...and the unexpected live reggae band! So much fun!
A big enough bath tub for me AND Louise.
Beautiful warm weather and the rain holding off until the day we leave.
Raspberry lambic.
Finally getting home today and getting my arms around my babies!
And lastly...this love song and how it reminds me of the days in Wilmington with just me and Shane...completely and wildly in love and care free...
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